I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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