What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
