i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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