I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
