i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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