i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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