We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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