I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's shark week go big or go home
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
