why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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