i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
