Pants 0. Shit 1.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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