what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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