Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
