wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
