i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
