My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
