It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So many bounce houses so little time
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
