You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I look better un-naked...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize