She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
