Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
