I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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