now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Houston, we have a blender
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
