a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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