She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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