I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
