Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
