maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
