Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
