He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
