Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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