I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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