Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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