There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
