when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
