The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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