he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Found the puke drawer
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
