im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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