Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
