walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Girls should come with a carfax report
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
