I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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