she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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