I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
