I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
