Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
