then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
