he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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