he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
