I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You are a genius and a whore.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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