She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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