so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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