i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
