This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
