i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
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there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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