I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize