She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
