no, he came in my armpit
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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