he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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