Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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