He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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