Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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