Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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