I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
