Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
