Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
