The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
