sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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