I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
