Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
