Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
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So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
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I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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