you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
