she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
