I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
