Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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