so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
