my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
