wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
