no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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