can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
