Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
