his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
